Blessing and Ideal Family
by Reverend Sun Myung Moon
CASES AT THE ENGAGEMENT
CASE 1. THE PERSON WHO PRAYS FOR HIMSELF
Father once told the Blessing candidates to write down their choices
on a sheet of paper, and some people wrote down five names. There must
also be someone like that among the people who are here. So I thought
that this time I might tell people to write down over ten names, but
this would be difficult because you do not know everyone's names. You
cannot indicate a person by drawing his or her face on a piece of
paper. You just have to clearly write down the three syllables of his
or her name. Since it is difficult to write down many names, I asked
people to write down about five.
Then when I saw what they wrote down, it was really something. The
women all focused their attention on the man who was the most
outstanding. Also the men all concentrated their attention on the
woman who was supposedly the most beautiful. Even though there were
about 500 people, all of them asked for the most handsome or the most
beautiful. But I cannot marry 500 women to one man, so I was in the
position to remove 499 of them. If that happens, it is more
troublesome for the women than for the men.
It seems that the way men think is better than the way women think.
When Father quickly glanced at a man's list and told him, "Hey, your
number one choice has flown to someone else," then the man just
accepted that that's the way it is. But when I told a woman, "Hey,
your number one choice has flown to another man," the woman stuck out
her lip grumpily. I felt so bad, even though it's obvious that 500
people cannot have the same person. But women think, "Since I have
prayed for Father to give me this person, I think he will listen to my
prayers." That kind of prayer is useless even if done for a thousand
years. Do not pray like that. That prayer is full of greed. Answering
it will not be possible. Isn't that right? All 499 would pray, "Please
let me be married to that person," right? Then to whose prayer will
God listen? He will sympathize with the one who did not pray for
herself. Even if Father were God, he could arrange no other outcome.
Therefore, those who pray for themselves are selfish people. Rather
you should think, "I entrust everything to You, God. I will receive
anyone. Only do as You will. If You tell me to die alone of old age, I
will do that too." This is the most comfortable thinking for your
I can feel it when people don't think like this but whisper among them
selves, saying that the Unification Church is like this or like that.
If that happens, Father neglects them for about a week. Then they make
an uproar since the result they expected doesn't come. After three
days or so pass, they become serious and do not even eat. When a week
has passed and their worldly eyes become loose, then Father may feel
that they have sacrificed enough and will announce the results.
During the matching, if someone shakes his head saying that he does
not like the person, I match him the last. He cannot do anything about
Father's not matching him. Someone may think, "I have done a 40-day
cold shower and prayer condition in order to get blessed, so Father
will certainly match me first." But it will never be that way. The
person who prays centered on himself is a person who will receive
punishment from heaven.
But if someone prays, "There is a special gathering for the Blessing
at this time. Heavenly Father, it does not matter who becomes my
spouse, but please let the person be among the ones whom You can be
happy with. If it is a person I know, it will be that much better."
Since this prayer is open, it will transmit to heaven. If you are
going to pray, you should pray like that. But if everyone prays, "I
will not receive anyone except that one woman," then what will happen?
It should not be like that.
CASE 2. PICTURE MARRIAGE
The women who are gathered here, please listen carefully. The members
in Japan will do anything that Father tells them to do by a special
order. If Father says, "Will you marry a Korean?" one hundred out of
one hundred will consent. The Americans are the same. If I say, "Will
you marry a Korean man who does manual labor?" they have to say,
"Yes." Whether they like it or not, they will say, "Yes." They might
not like it at first, but when they meet their spouses, they are sure
to like them.
This is the special privilege that only the Unification Church has.
The way of the Unification Church is to hold a marriage ceremony with
the husband on one side of the Pacific and his wife on the other, or
one in Tokyo and the other in the middle of Seoul. How wonderful! I
wish I could have a marriage like that. People will say to the blessed
couples, "You are better than me. Your husband is better than me. You
are better than me since you have done what I could not do; you have
married a husband who was overseas."
How great it is that without even having looked at the person, just
his or her picture, you have married the person. You have never met,
never seen, and never had a conversation with your spouse. How rich is
the heart of someone who can attend a person as a husband just by
looking at a picture? How rich. How sincere her heart is, saying that
she does not like any of the Korean men and is looking for a Japanese
man. How much has she loved him that she marries him just by looking
at a picture? That is truly an ideal couple.
Father is doing the work that makes this possible. Thus the world is
incapable of containing Father. This time when Father was blessing 120
couples by gathering them in Citizens' Hall, Father did not send
formal notices to their parents saying, "Will you allow your son or
daughter to get married?" Father did not bow his head saying, "I will
hold a mass wedding for your son and daughter, so please give me
permission." But Father never met one parent who protested saying,
"Why have you given marriage to my son and daughter?" Who else can do
this sort of thing?
When you see this, you can sense that the person who thinks deeply has
better views about us. What group or what nation can do this kind of
work? What president of a nation can do this? Only the Unification
Church can do it. The parents of the blessed couples still feel
gratitude towards Father. That's how it is.
CASE 3. THE STORY OF A COUPLE
Not long ago Father visited Chun Nam. There was a woman there who I
remember was at the Blessing last time. I don't know if her husband is
here today. That woman was the one who was left after everybody took
their spouses. As the person who is responsible, I could not help but
heartistically sympathize with her. A good-looking woman can be tossed
about, and still there are a lot of people who will take her. Even if
I tell them not to take her, they will fight to take her. But since
people are different from objects, nobody will marry a person he hates
even if I tell him in a morning service. Everybody was picked, and
only one or two were remaining. She was one of them.
Every man without exception knows how to distinguish a person of
beauty. At that time, even Father himself from a human point of view
could not ask a man to marry her. Then how can I, as a matchmaker,
fulfill her marriage? If you were in the position to make a match for
that kind of per. son, what would you say? Whether it is a man or
woman, all of them trust Father and think that they will be matched to
the best possible spouse. So since everyone has high hopes and has
such a high standard of assessing a spouse, how can I give someone who
is below his or her standard? Yet if I don't, I will have to match
everyone to a person of highest standards, but that is impossible.
What can I do about this?
So what did I say? I said that if someone marries this woman, the
second generation will be handsome if it is a boy and beautiful if it
is a girl. But what happens if the children are not handsome? What if
their children resemble their mother? That husband will protest to
Father. Wouldn't that be so? He can protest all he wants saying that
Reverend Moon of the Unification Church deceived him and made him
marry an ugly woman. But if they have beautiful children, everything
will be solved simply. In this serious position, I matched them.
Then while I was visiting Chun Nam, I stopped at a station for a short
time, and saw that couple. My heart was palpitating, and I was
wondering if she had a baby. She was carrying a baby on her back. So
not paying any attention to anybody else, I went to her, looked at the
baby, and said, "Wow, the baby is so handsome." In this way I
encouraged her. So, let's just smile at this and go over it.
CASE 4. ONE CRIPPLED WOMAN
When I was blessing people, there was one crippled woman. But her face
was not ugly. She was born with a good ancestral background and a good
nature, but she became deformed due to the fault of her parents. Every
time I matched her to someone, each would reject her. In actuality,
who likes to marry a deformed person? Then I saw one certain person
who had sunken eyes and many defects in his appearance. I knew that
the person who could make up for those defects was that woman. Thus I
began to persuade him, "Even though this woman looks this way, she is
a good person. If you notice parts of her that you do not like, you
can close your eyes. But her face is really beautiful. And why are you
getting married? Isn't it for the sake of descendants? If you marry
her in this kind of position, will it not remain for a long time in
the history of the Unification Church? It will be an incident that I
will not forget for the rest of my life." In this way I talked to him.
And I matched him saying, "If you marry her and have a daughter, she
will be a beautiful girl, and if you have a son, he will be a
Several years later Father visited a region, and that couple attended
the meeting. As soon as that man saw me, he ran up. I asked him if I
could see his baby, and when I looked, I saw that she was a really
beautiful girl. Thus he was praising his daughter saying that what
Father said is absolutely true. In the same way, don't think that
somebody is good just because he or she appears good externally.
All people are brothers and sisters. If there is a deformed person
among one's brothers, it is brotherly love to sacrifice for that
person. Again, if one's parents are in the same situation, it is the
way of the filial son to obey and sacrifice for those parents. This is
the general rule. Let's say that there is a child who is not only ugly
but also so short that others will not even look at him. But his
parents will feel the utmost pity for that child. It is the nature of
a parent to love that child with the heart of God more than any body
CASE 5. THREE ELITES OF AMERICA
I will tell you about a very special incident. In America now, there
was a matching with some older women who deserve medals for pioneering
our church there. They were all 42 or 43 years old. If they had
married previously, they would all have had children by now. I should
give the Blessing to them, but where could I find their spouses? This
was the big problem I faced as I left to meet with them.
When Father went there and explained this problem to them, they all
understood very well. Seeing how they responded I felt that certainly
these Western people have transcended self-centered thinking. A 42
year-old woman is like an aunt, but a 33-year old man says that he
wants to marry her though there is a nine year difference in age. The
English members who were in America responded the same way.
If a 42-year-old person and a 33-year old person are to marry, is
there anyone here who thinks that it should not happen? You should
think whether you, yourselves, can do that. You should quietly think
about it. Think how old your aunts and mothers are. Since the person
is old enough to have had two or three children if she were married,
her face would be wrinkled and the rosy color in her face would have
faded. Think how it would be if a woman who is like your aunt marries
you in the flowering of your youth. Do you desire it or not? Be honest
and tell me. You men? (No.) That is right. Answering that you do not
desire it is the general rule.
Then did Father force them to marry? No, I did not. Those people do
not just look at age. They respect honor very much. A person's
achievements and results count for more than her age. Merits and
results represent the whole of that person. That kind of concept is
different from the Oriental concept. Why is that? They have the
thinking that it is more important to live a short life well than to
live a long life. In this sense, I felt they had a progressive
In the near future, in order for the young men to win over Father,
they should have the magnanimity to be willing to marry older women.
Do you feel good when you hear that? Why? Do you feel bad? Would you
feel bad even if the woman were the only princess in that country?
Would you feel bad if she were the only woman in that country? What
will you do if she were the only woman? What if the ratio of men to
women were one thousand to one? Will you feel more energy to do it or
CASE 6. THE FAITH OF ONE MISSIONARY IN THE NETHERLANDS
Among the people who pioneered the Netherlands, there is a person
named Teddy. He worked with machines and graduated from a famous
technical school. He met Father, went witnessing in the Netherlands,
pioneered the Dutch Church, and became a first generation ancestor in
the Netherlands. If you listen to him, you can see that he went
through many difficulties that are inexpressible in words. He resolved
to live through at least three months of indemnity in Holland. He gave
up everything he had and went to work at the docks. Even though he was
a skilled technician who received about 1,300 dollars a month, and
even though he had the certification to receive good treatment
wherever he might go in the Netherlands, he abandoned it all and
became a laborer on a wharf.
When Father went there, he was eating and living with his work crew.
His situation was very difficult. His hands looked like the hands of a
toad and his face had the appearance of a miserable manual laborer. He
seemed to have become a most wretched person. What he ate at mealtime
was hard bread. He earned only 38 dollars a day, but still he saved
enough to translate and publish the Divine Principle. On that book, he
wrote a statement in blood and offered it to me. When I saw that, I
was deeply moved.
When he was witnessing he had to walk everywhere, so I asked him if he
needed a motorcycle, but he said that he did not need one. Then when I
asked what I could buy for him, he said he wanted a bicycle. So I
bought him a bicycle. Though I bought it four years ago for him, it is
still new because he did not ride it, thinking that no matter who
touches it, even if it is a president of a country, the person might
damage it. He gave this much effort.
When I was giving the Blessing in Germany to the European members, I
told the leaders to prepare a list of names in advance. Other people
had persons they hoped to wed, but this person had no one in mind. I
asked him whom he wanted to be blessed to, and he said that while he
was in America he knew a person who was truly loyal and followed God's
will. When I asked who she was, he said her name was Pauline. She
joined the Church at 34 and had been a member for 8 years, and she was
in a trinity with a member named Doris. She was one of the three
revolutionary fighters for our Will.
When Teddy was working for God's will in America with her, he had a
lot of results gained from enduring and pioneering. But they seemed to
have had happy moments, too. Also, he said that he knows very well
that she has been pioneering alone in the most difficult environment
for ten years until now. Having heard that she had not married yet, he
asked me if he could marry her.
He said that even though there are more beautiful women in the world
and also in the Dutch Church, a woman who does not have experience in
society cannot become a revered wife who can embrace and take good
care of the church. He said that, of course, there are beautiful women
who have worked very hard for him in Holland too, but that is not the
issue. He was saying, in effect, that in order to leave behind a good
tradition for the Unification Church in Holland, he needs a mother-
like person who can love Holland and who can stand in the shade to
embrace and take on all the good and bad things in and out of the
church. That is why he was saying that it does not matter what other
people think, but that I bless him with the woman who is like an aunt
and who lives in America now.
So I said to him, "Hey, she who looks like an aunt also looks like a
horse," and told him that she stands and walks like a horse. Would you
feel good or bad if you heard that?
Mr. Kuboki was startled when he saw the woman and gasped. He
supposedly said, "What kind of woman is this?" Since she has a long
face, she does not look good if she shows her forehead. Her back is
bent, she has a big nose, and is so tall that wrestlers seem like
nothing. If an ordinary man sees this woman laughing, he will probably
be shocked and run away. In spite of this, Teddy wanted to spend his
life with her.
When Father saw this, did he feel good or bad? At first I did not feel
good about that because Father wanted the young man to hold a
beautiful, young girl. Father would have felt better if he had
received a woman who could make him burst with hope for a good future,
who is a flower among flowers the more one looks at her, who will
spread fragrance among fragrances so that one could say that she is
one's love day and night. But since he was already far away from my
thinking, I felt bad. However, the fact that he wanted to prepare a
strong foundation for God's will, for God's citizens, and for the
three million citizens of Holland made me feel good. Also in order to
do that, he said in effect that he has to become a man who is able to
elevate the dignity of woman. I saluted him for his desire to do that
On the day of the marriage ceremony, Father received a sincere promise
from him. Father said, "Since she is already 42, there remain only
about 4 years in which she can have babies." He replied that is no
problem. He was saying, "Since God loves us so much, He will make us
the most blessed family among the European families. Then would not
God the Creator give us children so we can fulfill the four position
foundation?" With that kind of faith, he surpassed the faith of his
I asked Teddy, "Will you really send your wife-to-be witnessing or
will you not? Think again." Hurt, he said, "Do you not trust me?"
Europe has dignity because it has that kind of person.
Anyone can fly from America to Germany in a matter of a few hours.
Thus she came right away. When she entered, I tried to appreciate her
from his position and with his interest: "Ah! She looks like that."
Women are worrisome when you send them pioneering since you don't know
if they might be carried off by some noise. But you can feel safe
about this kind of woman for thousands of years, even if you send her
alone to the Arctic region. Also, since she has a lot of experience in
society, she does not lack anything internally and externally to be a
mother in a family or a church. And since she knows that she is old,
she knows that humility should be her philosophy of living in order
for her to attend a young husband. She has to be humble.
CASE 7. A BLESSING FOR RESTORATION THROUGH INDEMNITY
You Koreans might counter with this question, "Then in order to
fulfill the will of God, should we marry even an American?" If Father
tells you to marry, you should. Can you do that or not? What will you
do? The law of Korean tradition does not allow that, right? It is not
allowed. But if the Will is fulfilled that way, what should happen?
The elder women here, please answer. What will you do? Will you marry
an American or not? You might in the near future stand in that
position. Then if I tell you to marry a Japanese, what will you do?
The blessing for restoration through indemnity is a complicated
process. Also, what will you do if I ask you to marry a grandfather?
That will not happen, but if I were to tell you to marry one, what
will you do? You might say, "What kind of God is that?" That is your
own thought. Do you know how complicated the way of indemnity is?
With whom did Tamar have a relationship? Perez and Zerah, whom she
bore by having a relationship with her father-in-law, became the
direct lineage blessed by God, the ancestors of Jesus -- right? Also,
in what circumstances was King Solomon born? Solomon was the child
David got by killing his loyal retainer Uriah and taking his wife
Bathsheba. Since he had enticed his loyal retainer's wife, he should
have been punished, and his child should have been one who ruined the
world. Then how could Solomon, a glorious king, be born from them? How
did it come to be like that? In the gospel of Matthew, Rahab appears
in Jesus' lineage. What kind of person was Rahab? She was a
prostitute, right? But then whom did she help? She helped a spy. It is
realistic for a prostitute to sympathize with an enemy country, but
she risked her life to do that. For the sake of heaven's will, one has
to risk one's life. It means to deny one's life, environment, and
everything that has to do with one's privileges. History progresses
from that point of self-denial.
These days, there are many young men who are living with older women.
There are plenty of people who are living with women who are like
their mothers in terms of their age. Why is that? There is the term
"cataclysmic change," right? Normally a man should marry a woman who
is a little younger than he is. That is normal. Then what do we mean
by "cataclysmic change"? It means becoming the opposite. To go one
level higher than persons of your same age or brotherly relationships
is a "cataclysmic change." Marrying a woman the age of one's mother or
marrying someone the age of a maternal aunt is a "cataclysmic change."
Young people have to bow their heads to the elderly. But at the time
of "cataclysmic change," the elderly people have to bow their heads
down to young people. Why? Even if it is a woman like a grandmother,
if she gets a young husband, she still has to bow her head down,
right? This is how "cataclysmic change" is. But I do not mean that
this is to be the official way of things. I am saying only that it
could be that way.
CASE 8. AN INCIDENT AT THE 6000 COUPLE BLESSING
At the time of the 6000 Couple mass wedding, among the blessing
candidates were some who were not completely qualified. Some came from
Kyung Sang Do, Cholla Do, Kyung Gi Do, and Choong Chung Do, and others
gathered from five oceans and six continents. So it was like a market
place of the human race. It was not only full of different colors but
also bumpy all over, and in order to assure that there were no
collisions, I had to sweat a lot. Since the 12,000 people had on
frantic headlights of love, they could not see or think about anything
If I did not match them right, something might go wrong not only in
their future but also in the fulfillment of God's will; therefore, I
had to be absolutely prudent. To match a few thousand couples in a
matter of a few days might be easy in words, but is it easy? Think
about it. In the world, there are many cases where in order to match
just one couple, it requires many interviews and then it still doesn't
This task was impossible to do in any ordinary way. Therefore, I had
to use my secret method. I gathered them in one place, and let them
sit with knees bent for hours. I made it so that they could not move
nose, eyes, or mouth. At first they stirred, but as time passed, they
lowered themselves like picked scallion. After some time passed in
that uncomfortable position, they not only said, "We are sorry. We
will do as you say, so please forgive us," but also they sincerely
bowed down so that when I matched them, they were thankful without
complaint. With that attitude, I could match them rapidly.
They, for the first time, discovered another aspect of Father. That is
like discovering the awesome dual aspects of God -- that God is not
only a God of love but also a God of judgment. Anyhow they, who
thought that Father was considerate and loving, came to discover yet
another aspect of Father.
Father's legs hurt if I stand up for three or four days. That is why I
exercise, but since I had to exercise my legs in so confined a place,
I sometimes kicked their shins or hips. When I did that, they obeyed
me without objection and things worked out smoothly.
But this does not mean that I chose their spouses haphazardly. I have
matched more men and women than anybody in the world; it is true that
I am confident in that field. I am confident that I am better at
knowing your psychology than any psychologist or psychiatrist.
You need a safety pin, like that in a bomb. Man's fate is to walk all
kinds of roads. What can keep you from accidentally exploding and
losing the value of your existence? You must follow your destiny to
obey God's will.
One member from the Soviet Socialist Republics who attended the 6000
Couple mass wedding had to marry by picture alone. This was because
the spouse was working in a communist nation and could not attend the
marriage ceremony. And yet, some Korean youths, especially the women,
rejected the person Father chose for them, saying that the person does
not please their eyes. I was truly embarrassed to see the foreign
members after that. That attitude of the Korean members is like
treason in the world of the heart. It has all passed now, but that
should not happen from now on.