Advice please - How do I help my bisexual college friend?
On 2/26/07, BP wrote:
Dear Mr. Anderson,
You are probably really busy and I've already gotten some ideas from
reading a few things I found on Unification.net, so I don't
mind if you don't respond.
If you have time, though, here is my situation:
I am a BC in college and I have a friend who is bisexual (currently in a
relationship with someone of the same sex) but is also really open to hearing
about DP and discussing this issue of homosexuality in relation to politics
and our different belief systems. She keeps asking me about it and trying
to point out loopholes such as "what about the technology that we can now
splice two eggs together and give the fertilized egg to a woman to carry?"
My response was basically, "just because we can, doesn't mean we should."
My basic argument is that it isn't in our design to be homosexual and that
homosexuality happens because of spiritual influences, but that our design
is that man was made for woman and woman made for man and that relationship
brings joy, happiness, and fulfillment, not just in itself but in the context
of having a family and raising children. My friend, however, doesn't seem to
be satisfied with this answer. She thinks that a homosexual couple is just
as capable of having a spousal relationship that brings joy, happiness,
and fulfillment, even in the context of raising children (adopting?).
I'm not sure what else to say. I've explained it from the perspective of
"this is how God made us and He did it for the sake of creating a new unity
after a separation." I touched on the idea that "it's not just about having
a fulfilling relationship, but that you are fulfilling your design." but I'm
not really sure she's hearing me, because then she said that her design is
that she is bisexual and it should be okay for her to marry a woman.
I pray for her, and I try to understand her perspective when I talk to her,
but even though I don't press the issue, she brings it up every now and then
as if it will not rest in her mind until we agree with each other completely.
Also, she says that she has been praying about her situation and is getting
the answer that it is okay. I don't know if this is still a part of her
own process of becoming okay with herself as she is, or if she is hearing
herself telling herself she's okay, or if this is her hearing another spirit
or if she is mishearing something or if what she's hearing is God saying,
"Yes, I love you anyway."
I've run out of things to say when we have these discussions, and I was
wondering if you have any advice for me for when our next discussion comes up.
Thanks so much!
Sorry to take so long to get back to you. As to your question, Father
teaches us that before we can teach people the truth, we have to serve
them. This person is not yet ready to receive truth from you, because you
have to make a foundation of trust and love first. In other words, we have
to lay the foundation of faith before the foundation of substance. We have
to establish our own personal connection to God and serve others in the
position of a servant, before they can come to recognize us in the position
of their Abel, their mentor, guide, spiritual parent. When your friend can
come to accept you in that role, then you will be able to teach her truth,
and not until then. If she is open, then read the Bible or Divine Principle
together and discuss the content. Let Father's words and spirit teach her,
even if you are not able to personally. That is my initial response. Also,
pray for wisdom and the heart that you need to reach her. When you have the
right heart towards her, with compassion and without judgment, God will give
you the right words and insight to help her.
Why is homosexuality not the ideal? Simply put, God created all things in
pairs, because it is in the reciprocal relationship of complementary pairs
that God's love can manifest in the world. Whatever she experiences in a
homosexual relationship is not God, or from God. My feeling about homosexual
women is that it is almost always a result of a broken relationship with the
significant men in her life, such as father, brother, uncle, grandfather. How
is her relationship with her Dad? Did anyone take advantage of her sexually
that caused her to fear or hate men? She needs to meet a Godly man for her
original principled sexual desire to be aroused. Then she has to learn not
to act on that desire until she is ready to make a commitment to one spouse
and to take responsibility for the life which is the natural consequence
of heterosexual love. At that point, you can educate her about the Blessing