If we don't open our eyes, we can't see what the children are doing. We can understand their characters and how to educate them by observing their reactions. You can tell if a certain person is happy or not at first glance. Or, whether he is laughing from the bottom of his heart with a happy feeling or whether it is just because others are laughing. He may have a forced smile on his face. Watch him carefully, very carefully, and you will find out what kind of smile it is. You must have a clear reason for watching members and you must watch them well in order to lead them well.
When you answer a personal question, it's better for you to answer at an appropriately private moment. Also, when you talk about a particular person's story, you, as leaders, must think about whether it will have a positive or negative effect letting the members know that story. You must think about when and where it is best to speak about it.
Today, I would like you to ask me general questions . . .
Question: When Mr. Ueyama gave us a lecture about Father's life, he talked about an old lady. Father had said that he would not go south until she could join his party. I didn't hear anything about this old lady from you.
Won Pil Kim: What's that? I don't understand the question.
Question: Mr. Ueyama said Father was supposed to take an old lady from the North to the South, but he couldn't because she was sick.
Won Pil Kim: Yes, there was an old lady who was very ill, nearly dying. We had visited all the members, but couldn't meet this old lady. Then the order to retreat south was given, because the war situation had become worse. All the citizens started leaving the town early in the morning. But we couldn't leave until the evening as we had to see that old lady. She was around 78 years old. I went to see her instead of Father and told her that he had got out of the prison and was in good health, and then I returned to Father. That's why we were the last to leave the town. The point of the story is not that we were late because we had to meet the old lady, but that we met the old lady even in the midst of the most dangerous situation, risking everything.
Question: Can you tell us about when Father married his first wife?
Won Pil Kim: I'll talk about it tomorrow.
Question: What has become of the disciples from the prison?
Won Pil Kim: Most of them stayed in North Korea. I met three of them in South Korea and there was one person whom I have not yet met.
Question: What about the others?
Won Pil Kim: I don't know what happened to them. There is a prophetic book, called Chung Gam Nok, written 500 or 600 years ago, which prophesied the destiny of Korea. It says that the Second Advent will come to Korea in the Last Days. It also says that the most unfortunate ones will be those who join first and those who join last. So it is best to join at the right time. People will get much persecution during the pioneer period, even though it is the way of truth. People won't be able to bear this persecution and will be frustrated on the way. As the movement develops and more truth is given, people will find it easier. Even though they try to get out, they can somehow stay in the movement. The blessing is given to those members. But this blessing has a time limit. Those who enter the movement when the blessing is no longer given are also unlucky.
During the period of pioneering and difficulties, many people abandoned the church. They could not become dedicated members, but are now living an ordinary life and attending Father secretly. It was about 28 years ago when they became Father's disciples. All those people must now be over 60. Already it has become very difficult for them to dedicate themselves to the church as they have many children and financial worries. They can't work with us even though they fully understand who Father is. They have pangs of conscience because they are not doing anything for Father while younger members are working so hard. Owing to those people, we could now become members of the Unification Church.
It is the biggest of blessings, for which there is no substitute, that you can be blessed by Father during Father's third seven year course. Father said that after the third seven year course he would no longer bless members himself. Father said that we were unbelievably fortunate to have been blessed by him. How much will the people who come after Father stops giving the blessing himself envy your good fortune? Which would you prefer -- to become one of Jesus' disciples or a disciple of the disciples?
Question: I think that all the Unification Churches in the world must establish one tradition. If I look at the churches in different countries, they appear slightly different from one another. How can we establish one tradition among the churches?
Won Pil Kim: Until now, in the period of pioneering, the churches in the various countries have not been well taken care of, but from now on Father is sending out itinerary workers to the world. The way that Father has walked is our tradition and we must follow because Father walks the same way God has walked.
Question: I've found that what you have spoken about and what we have been doing are pretty different. I think we must behave according to your direction.
Won Pil Kim: I don't think they are so different. Please give me an example.
Question: For example, when a member has some problem, we thought we should clearly point it out and strictly correct it. But Father serves and loves the member first and finds a solution to the problem.
Won Pil Kim: What you have done is right. What I have spoken about is our attitude of heart when we correct the member's shortcomings. It is natural that you should correct the member's shortcomings, but you must always remember what your purpose is. It is to lead the member in the right way. When you are speaking with a member, you have your personal feeling. Your feeling is not at all good when a member doesn't follow your advice even though you have spoken to him many times.
While you have a bad feeling towards the member, you should not order him to follow your advice. If you do so, you give out your bad feeling under the cloak of guiding him the right way. Especially when you scold a member with a wrong motivation, you feel uneasy and the member certainly has a bad feeling too. When you scold him because you really love him, he feels close to you and grateful. If he doesn't, he has a loneliness in his heart.
It is definitely good to speak firmly, but before you do it you must have a preparation period to win the member's trust so that your advice comes from your love of him. When he can accept that you fast and cry in prayer for him and really love him, then he will be grateful to you even if you hit him on the cheek. If you hit the members without this foundation of trust and love, you leave only resentment.
Suppose you scolded the members without this foundation because you couldn't let him carry on the way he was, then you have to console him afterwards. You should explain why you scolded him: "I scolded you because I want you to become better." Then the member understands: "I see. Please don't worry. I'm all right." After this, you can conclude the meeting with the member.
Sometimes the member goes out of the room crying. Then your purpose, which is to give him advice, is not fulfilled. Then you have to meet him again and restore the situation to what it was before you scolded him. Since you chastise the member for his own sake, he should have a feeling of gratitude after being chastised.
Father scolds the child and leaves him until he stops crying. But this is not the end of his concern. It is the beginning. Father makes him happier and more fulfilled than he was before. And this is the real goal.
To correct or scold people is not an easy job. People can see for themselves whether they are doing right or wrong. Suppose there is a member who understands that what he is doing is wrong. Then you tell him it is wrong. He should be grateful to you, but usually he feels resentful. Sometimes you say to others: "Please tell me straight when I do something wrong." And, when you are told something, you often get upset. Why? It is a natural human feeling. Man is created to become perfect by himself, not by being taught by other people. Man is to go to God directly by himself. He feels unsatisfied in his original mind if he goes to God by being told to do so. Whoever he is, even a holy person, may have a bad feeling when it is pointed out that he is wrong. An ordinary person has this tendency, so the holy or righteous person must feel even more injured when he is scolded.
What's the difference between a big hearted person and a small hearted person? The big hearted person can quickly turn his resentment in a better direction. There are some who take several days or even one year to change their bad feeling. Some people have remembered resentments for three or four years without having overcome them. When you scold a member or point out something wrong, you must bear in mind that some people take a long time to overcome their resentment. Pointing out something bad is like slapping a person. The person hits back instinctively and then you and the member hit each other and Satan is happy. Both of you are injured. How can we prevent this fighting? We use a shield. When you give the member a blow, you must have a shield in your hand so that you can take the blow he gives you in return. What is this shield? It is your love and concern for the member. "How can I lead him in a better way?" Your prayer and sacrifices become your shield.
Even though you scold the member with the right motivation, he may misunderstand you. In such a case your prayer for him becomes a condition to prevent misunderstanding. When you chastise people, you must have made a full preparation for it. When you give advice, you must take into consideration that the member may misunderstand you. It is absolutely necessary to be strict with the member when he is doing something wrong. Now you see how you should prepare yourself before you scold a member.
There are two ways to be strict. Father knows how to scold according to the individual. One way is to be calm and the other is to be heated. Those who are defensive and quick to reject advice should be given "warm" treatment. If we throw a hard stone at a hard stone, both get smashed. We must give a strong person gentle treatment and a gentle person strong treatment. Some want to be told in a calm way, others in a straight way. Therefore you must speak according to the individual.
When a doctor uses medicine, he has to think about the patient's condition. Father sometimes hits someone. Imagine, Father does that. I have only seen him do it twice in 30 years. What type of person did Father hit? A weak hearted person or a strong hearted person? They were both exceptionally strong. They hadn't obeyed Father's order even though they knew that Father was sacrificing for them. And, because they didn't listen to Father, they caused problems for many people. Father hit them in order to forgive them completely. Why did Father have to do that? They had many accusations from many people. When Father scolded them and hit them instead of those people, the people felt satisfied and no longer accused the two. Since Father forgave them, nobody can accuse them any more. On the contrary, those who continued to accuse would themselves have been' accused. Once Father hit and forgave them, other members had to love them.
When you chastise a member, the distance between you becomes wider, not closer. If you chastised him for his own benefit, the two of you should be much closer and love one another more than before. Actually, the opposite happens. Why? Because you expressed your own feeling under the name of guidance and concern. When we are scolded by Father, we feel more love from Father and much closer to him. Therefore, you must be prudent when you don't have such a heart. That's why I talked about a heart to love in my speech. That you have such a heart is not all, though. You must also speak with a member after he has understood that you really love and care for him. Then you are in a position to scold strictly. Do you understand now?
Question: I found disunity in the New Hope team. There are a few members who do personal things without thinking of the whole. How can the team be united?
Won Pil Kim: Young members especially behave freely if they have free time. If they don't know clearly what they should do in the morning, then in the afternoon, they start to occupy themselves with personal things. There should always be some activity which the young members consider it valuable to devote themselves to. If there is a gap between the activities, young members find it difficult to concentrate the same on the different activities. By the way, I must say it is not easy to unite 10 people all at once. You know what a trinity is? A trinity can be good or bad. The leader, first of all, must become one with God's will. Then he has give and take with the member who is closest to him. The power of give and take attracts someone else. Then, three powers have become one and they attract another. In this way, it is necessary to make a nucleus.
Jesus first united three disciples centered on himself before he united the 12 disciples. It is like a strong magnet attracts one piece of metal after another. You can't unite them all at once, but you must start with one person. If you reach five the speed will increase. After you unite five people, you have to make a positive atmosphere which will attract the problem members. If there are more than six bad members, they will make a negative atmosphere which will envelop the good members.
Question: There is a person who really goes his own way, separate from the others...
Won Pil Kim: Yes, I know. Look at any elementary school playground: some children play together; two are chatting away merrily; and you find a solitary child, playing alone or just staring at something. Even though I can give you some advice, you may not understand it immediately. Please face this problem by yourself. If you find it difficult, come and see me for advice. Then I can give you definite and accurate advice for your problem.
Suppose 10 people are necessary to fulfill one whole purpose. Each of the 10 has a different role: such as, one to fight in the front line, another to provide supplies and so on. It is a nice idea to give a different portion of responsibility to each member. You watch a lot of football, don't you? The purpose of the 11 is to score a goal. If everybody lines up at the back or at the front, what will happen? You must give a member his position, his portion of responsibility. The purpose is the same, but the field is different. If all 10 go out witnessing, who will take care of the guests the members have brought? It is better if the responsibility is divided: those who bring the guests, those who take care of them and those who prepare the events.
I'd like you to think about it and try to manage this situation by yourselves. If you can't manage, then ask, but don't worry by yourselves. Learn and get information from many people.
When Father was not in Korea because of the world tour, I had to take care of the church. Father said to me: "If any difficulty arises, pray to God and discuss and cooperate with Mr. A and Mr. B." Father said that he managed the situation in the same way.
What you must think of is "one existence". You should not think that you are existing alone. There are people above and below you, on your right and on your left, in front and behind. You are at the center and people are all around you.
Who is your Abel? Who is below you? You must cooperate with them. After that, who is connected to you on the horizontal level? In front of me is the future; those who are in front of me are my descendants. Behind me is the past; those who are there are my ancestors. We must have a clear understanding as to who is standing in front and behind, above and below, and on our right and left. The Fall is when we leave the original position. Therefore you must always keep this idea in mind. Then you feel that you are not isolated. This problem will be solved gradually as God and the church leaders are now improving the system.
When you order a member to do something, you must see that what you order is carried out properly. A member is much happier when he knows that his leader has an interest in what he is doing. If the leader doesn't ask how things are progressing even after one or two weeks, the member begins to lose his desire to finish the job. You should ask how it is going quite soon after giving the order. You should ask at night and the next morning. Then the member comes to feel that he should finish it quickly and efficiently. If you don't the member takes it easy and thinks that there is no hurry.
When a job is done, you must praise it. When you don't say anything about it, the member feels dissatisfied and regrets having poured out his heart and energy. Why are you laughing? I said what you were thinking about, didn't I? If you praise the member's work, the member will do it much better next time and will want to work more. When I was drawing the pictures, Father was always beside me. When I was late coming home, Father was waiting for me. Then I was inspired and determined to work much harder. I knew if I was late that Father would be worrying about me very much, so I felt I ought to let him know as soon as possible by telephone or any other means whenever I was going to be late. When you don't show your interest, the members will not report anything to you.
Question: In the center, there is one member who is too weak and difficult to be led. He drags down the spiritual standard of the team. How much and for how long should we take care of such a member?
Won Pil Kim. Until he becomes better. (Laughter.) You can't force such a member to work in the same way as the strong members. To make an effort to understand the shortcomings of the member is also necessary. Suppose there are 10 children. Nine of them are very healthy and listen to their parents, but one child is sick and does not follow. Where do the parents direct their attention? (To the sick child!) For how long? Until that child becomes healthy. The other nine children should not tease the weakest. They should not say: "You are a weak and bad child." The weak member can become a better member with the help and cooperation of other members. You know the story of the one stray sheep among the hundred, don't you?
Question: I had several spiritual children, but all of them left the church. Why does this happen?
Won Pil Kim: How much care did you take of them when they became your spiritual children? You certainly gave birth to them, but you didn't take enough care of them. So, the children became sick. If you really take care of them, they will not leave the church. Taking care of spiritual children until they are born is important, but raising them up until they can walk by themselves is more important. Otherwise, the children will leave their parents.
You couldn't have had enough time to take care of so many spiritual children. If you had only one, you could have taken care of him well! But, to be more serious, the real point is to take good care of the spiritual child. As I have not heard the whole story, I don't think I can give you a suitable answer. If you really take good care of your spiritual children they will rarely leave the church. If you are not good enough, then ask others for help in taking care of your spiritual children. If the parents can't take care of their children, they ask others to do it, such as the nursery school.
What becomes of the child who is not well cared for? Even a dog stays around the house if it's well looked after. If it isn't well looked after, it doesn't stay but follows other dogs. It goes without saying that a man is infinitely more important than a dog.
I saw that one particular center restored many new members but lost them, whereas another center restored a few but has kept them well. The center which provides genuine love and guidance for the new members has the most new members. Everybody likes to be well looked after, isn't that true? I'd like to conclude today's speech here. Thank you very much.